Goal 3: Be a Money Guru

Confessions of a shopaholic is one of my absolute favorite books/ movies, probably because I get all the jokes.
I confess, I am terrible with money! On this front I am trying to be better, more zen like and less like Edward Norton's character in Fight Club:

"Like everyone else, I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct. If I saw something like clever coffee table sin the shape of a yin and yang, I had to have it. I would flip through catalogs and wonder, 'What kind of dining set defines me as a person?'"

My husband who is the math brain of the family has sorted out how to make a budget from the very cool money makeover books we received for Christmas. I was amazed to find that we were blowing tons of money without thinking about it. From now on we are spending/ saving all of our money on paper before we ever paid that way we never come up short. I realize that many people probably have always done this and I am just irresponsible and childish but it never occurred to me to account for every dime.
I am now the spender of allocated funds and therefore can't slip up and buy Gucci boots. It's a good feeling to know that if I stick to it there will be money in emergencies and maybe even in the future. I'm even coupon clipping in mass quantities. Maybe a shopaholic can change her ways?

Goal 2: Excercise (Week 2)

Yoga Panda

I have yet to be able to pull off my fully scheduled week because of snow cancellations but I have high hopes that this will be the week.
My Schedule:
Monday AM Yoga, Run a 12:00 mile, Walk a mile
PM Yoga
Tuesday AM Zumba, Run a 12:00 mile, Walk a mile
Tuesday PM Yoga
Wednesday AM Zumba, Run a 12:00 mile, Walk a mile
Wednesday PM Yoga
Thursday AM Zumba, Run a 12:00 mile, Walk a mile
Thursday PM Yoga
Friday AM Fitness Boot Camp, Walk a mile
PM Yoga
Saturday AM Zumba, Walk a mile
Sunday AM, Walk a mile

Goal 1: Quit Day 3

Quitting smoking is a lot like kindergarten. When you are stressed out take a timeout and when you are in total meltdown mode and throwing crayons it is nap time. Today was an emotional roller coaster day. My kitchen cabinets began raining as soon as my husband and I got out of bed. Yes, I did say raining. The house we are renting is very old and in some amount of disrepair which is especially problematic in the plumbing department. I found this out the hard way when last semester our kitchen ceiling attempted to stage a very messy coup. It rained then because of a valve that was never installed. It rained today because of a clogged drain... Needless to say this required cleaning, a million irritating phone calls, and a whole day of waiting around for the dopey Mr. Fix-It to come and fail to take care of the situation. When is was all over I was in unexplainable tears and my husband who is much smarter than I am pointed out that I should do what my body told me to do and if I needed a nap I should "Just go to bed". When I woke up I was refreshed and much more capable of having a good night with my guys than I would have been if I pushed through.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Goal 1: Officially Quit Day 2: The Best Day

Ramona and Scott In Love

I had the best day today and it confirmed for me that just as before I can function without smoking. It took some help from my great husband who is the best source of entertainment out there, my neighbors who took my son for a little while and a 3 hour nap. First there was way too much food all cooking at once and that stressed me out then I had a mental set back when I was sent for milk. Gas Station= Trigger. Got it. I came out in the clear though with the milk and 3 packs of rockin' Mentos gum. I played some rock band which is good for a need to scream and dance around, I got farther than ever on Scott Pilgrim whose awesome combos are a great stress reliever and  I also found a super fun and very distracting X-Box game called civilization and spent most of the night as Queen while my husband cheered on my awesome ninja knights and catapult armies.

Goal 1: The Day After

Alright so, I am alive. I was woken up at dawn by the phone but the good news is it is dawn! I made it through a whole day! I did great all day until after dinner when I became a sobbing blob of couch goo and was incredibly snotty with everyone who loves me and cursed the world. I made it though without a cigarette all day. As long as I remember to breathe I will make it. It is proven that smokers smoke at least partially to calm themselves with deep breathing. When people quit smoking they forget to take the deep breaths they are used to. Also, today I am going to figure out what I want to do as a reward!

Rewards are super important to quitting. When I quit the first time the books said to spend every penny of our smoking money on rewards. This is a great idea if you can afford it but it caused me to choose large lofty goals and get bummed when the money wasn't there to go through with them. I think this time I am going to run this all a little more sensibly. I will probably still want to go to New York for my one year as that has always been the plan. My husband will probably get his awesome 3-D Television as well but, I do not need gratification in lame and expensive ways. I actually enjoyed being able to run farther, smell better and taste my food last time. Yummy Food! I think I am going to go for all you can eat pancakes this morning.

Nail Polish

Foot Scrub

Giant Shoes

• For a week I will go and get some of the bath and body works foot scrub I <3 and maybe a new nail polish color.
• I think for a month I want a pair of super cute shoes that only come in European sizes which make my feet a size 39! I love the idea of crushing things under my giant feet!
• I will have to come up with some other things for later but I think this is a good start.

Goal 1: Quit Day!

For the last two days I had no power. I also found out about some very large and stressful revelations about this coming year. I knew when I said that I was quitting again my life would become fundamentally unmanageable. It comes with the territory but this morning it is not snowing. This morning my power is on and my son is headed for school, my husband for work. Me? I am going to the gym. Yep I am out of bed. I smashed all my cigarettes into nothingness this morning and took my pill. I feel bad because I was upset with my husband over nothing this morning and I asked for an extra hug from my son when he offered but I will not allow this to turn me into a sobbing pile of couch goo. This is hard but so is life and I've made it this far. I can do this and I will.

Goal 1: Day 4

Today is a two pill day. The first of many I am sure. I took one with my chocolate donut and coffee as I wrote this. The second I need to remember to take early. The anti-smoking medicines cause insomnia if you don't space them right, or so they say anyway. I tried desperately last time to take one in the early morning and one in the afternoon and still had insomnia the entire 3 months I was quitting last time. I guess I should look at the bright side though. I was really productive.
A Note On Staying Busy: I am hoping to stay busy and smoke less today. Being out and away from home means I smoke less because most places are no smoking and I hate to stand in front of a building's doors and smoke next to their ashtray. I think the phobia all goes back to when I was younger and sneaking cigarettes. The windows make you feel "caught". Also, for whatever reason I have never been the kind of person to pass my cancer around. This is the same reason I never smoked in my house or car...
Chore lists are great for busy work:
Drop off the munchkin
Buy groceries
Pick up dry cleaning
Go to yoga
And if I must be home at some point today: Clean House!

Goal 1: Day 3

Day 3 went well. I love that the pills I'm on keep me from wanting to smoke, unfortunately they also keep me from remembering my husband's super important dry cleaning. I didn't smoke very many really more importantly it is starting to feel like I have to go smoke not that I want to. This is important because it is the first step toward just not going out at all. Also I made it till 10:30 a.m.

Goal 1: Day 2

Took my pill again today and I am currently working on pushing my first cigarette of the morning back. I have made breakfast, played Tetris, watched desperate housewives and even stooped to cleaning the house. I'd forgotten how effective I was when I was trying to keep my mind off smoking.
Fun things to do when you're killing time:
1. Video Games http://www.nintendoeverything.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/professor_layton_boxart.jpg
2. Meaningless sketching http://www.amazon.com/Kill-Time-Lifes-Long-Waste/dp/B001UG3NYS
3. Watching retro cartoons http://www.hulu.com/she-ra-princess-of-power

Research

As I stated in my first post I am researching how to get back on track. In the process I have run across a few resources that interest me greatly and I will share the things I learn as I go along.
Job- related: Road- Trip Nation
This is a documentary by PBS about 3 groups of college students who travel around in an RV asking people how they got where they are. Interestingly enough many of them failed along the way.
After the first disc I had collected this advice:

• Want to succeed
• Look for the benefits: You'll know you got there when you feel good looking in the mirror
• Find a passion
• There is a direct correlation between how much you matter to others and how happy you are
• Encourage your own voice: you are what matters to you
• Stop forgiving your failures if you're not trying
• Explore until you find the job you like
• Do what your heart tells you
• Don't feel guilty to move on
• Be a risk taker: if you take the risk and it fails then it was the wrong risk
• You should ask: if you were plucked from the face of the planet would people miss you?
• Don't be indifferent
• Find an interest then a job not the other way around

Happiness- Related:
The Happiness Project by:Gretchen Rubin

I am only a little way in and the best advice I have gleaned from it's pages is to pay attention to how you treat others, don't ask of others what you don't want to do yourself and don't expect others to act the way you want them to.

Goal 2: Excercise

I tend to do things in a group I feel I cannot accomplish on my own. This is a piece of self-knowledge I value as it is something I recently learned.  I was exercising with my husband for a while. He is in great shape and I am very proud to say that he ran his first marathon this year. I on the other hand am in terrible shape, think old woman trapped in a 20 something body. To top this off I am very lazy and was one who often said "I will run when lions are chasing me". No matter how I tried to make this arrangement work because, I loved running with my husband, it didn't work. I was too slow and he had to slow down. I was cold and longed for my treadmill while he was more challenged and eager on an open trail. So, I had to find a new group and he has his running group and everyone is happy. I found that although I don't love to run I love to dance and do yoga and there are free classes to teach me how!
As I am afraid to hurt myself or burn out on exercise entirely by going full steam I have figured out that if I add a class a week I will be able to work up to my goal of an 2 hours of exercise 5 days a week.
First I do a half an hour in about 15 minutes on the treadmill, then I go to class, then I walk my moose of a dog for another mile. This week I missed Yoga Monday and my dog's walk due to snow. I also missed Tuesday Zumba due to my smoking cessation appointment but I finished the week strong. Wednesday and Thursday I did both walks and my Zumba. This meant that, Fail, I can't move my arms today and have done my best just to walk the dog and clean up the house.
Next week's schedule:
4 days of 2-hour workouts with Friday off as it is quit day for Goal 1.

Goal 1: Quit smoking!!!

 Today I took the first of my pills. I am still smoking. The pills will build in my system for 7 days then I will quit.

Official Quit Date: 01/ 28/ 2011

Alright, I understand that smoking is a gross habit and incredibly it is bad for your health just like the Surgeon General has always said. I cannot just stop however as it is an addiction. For those of you who don't know, an addiction is (as defined by M-W.com) "a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful". 

This said, I am in the process of quitting again officially as of today. I met with all my doctors this week and the biggest question asked of me as a total failure was: "What did you learn" So, this is where I will start. 

• I learned that each time you quit you are more likely to quit again raising your chances of quitting for good. 

• I learned that quit day is the hardest day of your life.

• I learned that Welbutrin helps quell the need to smoke. 

• I learned that staying busy is necessary.

• I learned that changing every habit associated with smoking is mandatory. 

• I learned that I cannot allow myself to be around smokers as it is a temptation and enabler.

• I learned that I must research stress coping strategies that do not involve bodily damage. 

• I learned that I can quit. I did it. I made it 3 months. Failure is not an end it is a challenge to try harder next time.

Failure is always an option

I have been thinking a lot about failure recently and it's effect on forward momentum. I know this statement sounds contradictory but I think with explanation it makes perfect sense. In science when a hypothesis or experiment fails the research is pushed further and new solutions arise from the ashes. People generally hate to fail though which makes us believe that life should somehow work differently and that failure is the end. I hypothesize that if you can manage to fail in the right way you will learn from your mistakes and grow as a person which will in the end be better than succeeding on your first try.
Why would I put so much time and energy into this idea?
In the not too distant past I believed with all my heart and soul that I was on a track to success for the first time in my life. I was married happily, had two great children and was talking about trying for a third. I was an honor's student working towards a degree in education and pulling straight A's. I had the "best" friends, a full social calendar and was truly happy. I believed that short of a few small problems for example, being an overweight smoker, my life was perfect! Then life showed it had a sense of humor. Truly things took such a sharp turn that I was in shock. It seems my perfect marriage was flawed and I had been lulled into denial thus making the baby business close for the season. My schooling and future job prospects? On hold due to the economic instability of the current times. My grades as a result dropped to mostly B's. My social calender cleared as I packed my last friend for relocation and I became depressed smoking again after 3 months, quitting my exercise regimen and eating whatever I wanted.

What did I do? I started researching how to get back on track and started this blog to keep track of lessons learned and progress made. Giving up is boring and lacks forward momentum.
Wish me luck?